Holding On
by alchemicangels
Summary: After everything they've been through, Riza realizes she doesn't want to let go. Royai.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hello! Thanks for reading! Spoilers ahead, for anyone who hasn't finished the series! I'd also like to thank my wonderful beta, bookluver100. I do ****not own Fullmetal Alchemist or any of its characters. Please review! :)**

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Now that the battle was over and done, Riza Hawkeye didn't know what to do. She hadn't planned this far ahead. She had protected the one person she swore to protect, and he had made it out alive and mostly well. She had done all she could and fulfilled her duty. Now there was nothing left for her to do.

She had told Colonel Mustang that she would put a bullet in her head after it was over. However, now that said time had come, Riza was having second thoughts.

She stood beside Mustang, her hands hanging by her sides. She looked at the ground, tears glistening in her eyes. Somehow, Riza had almost managed to convince herself this was a result of the ash and dust that had been tossed around in the fight. That seemed like a better excuse than what the little voice inside her head kept screaming over and over again.

_I'm afraid._

Afraid of what? Afraid of dying? No, that wasn't it. It couldn't be. Riza had stared death in its cold, unforgiving eyes too many times. She wasn't afraid of it. There was something more.

_Afraid of leaving him,_ the voice nagged, seeming to grow louder with each word.

Riza's heart pounded in her chest. A single tear leaked out of the corner of her eye and rolled down her cheek. She quickly wiped it away before anyone could have had the chance to notice.

Riza knew she and the Colonel would be admitted to the hospital, and it was only a matter of time before the doctors came to take the two of them away. She knew her wounds would heal. Eventually, at least. Riza was more concerned about Mustang. What could the doctors do for him? There's no cure for what human transmutation takes. She sniffed loudly, wiping again at her already dry eyes.

From beside her, Mustang tensed. "Lieutenant?" he murmured, turning his head in Riza's general direction.

"I'm right here, Colonel," she replied quietly.

_I'm not going anywhere._

The Colonel's blank gaze shifted a little bit closer to where Riza actually stood. He was looking more at her forehead instead of her eyes, but it was close enough. "Are you doing alright, sir?" Riza asked softly.

Mustang exhaled, the breath somewhere in between a small laugh and a scoff. "I'll be fine." he said nonchalantly, as if he wasn't affected by his situation. Riza could see straight through that facade. The subtle crinkle in his brow told a completely different story.

His frown deepened as he tugged at the edge of his left glove. He pulled it off in one swift action before letting it drop to the ground beside him.

Riza looked at his newly bared hand, expecting him to take off the other glove. She was surprised when he simply lowered it. He clenched and unclenched his hand a few times before he finally just stopped moving it at all.

Then, in a slow but undoubting motion, the Colonel stretched his hand sideways a few inches. Riza followed the movement of his hand with her eyes. Within a couple seconds, his hand came in contact with her wrist. Her heart skipped a beat. She felt her cheeks grow warm. Riza felt like a teenager again, blushing over Roy Mustang. He slid his hand down and around her hand until their palms touched. Blood pounded in Riza's ears. The two stood unmoving for a few seconds before Riza laced her fingers in Mustang's. He squeezed her hand in response.

The gesture was small, but Riza felt a flood of affection rush over her. She squeezed back, her hand trembling slightly. When she was with Mustang, she felt safe. It was a strange feeling. Even though she was the one protecting him, Riza always felt like he would make sure she was never in harm's way. It was as if he radiated a sense of composure and authority that made her feel more secure than she had ever felt before. Now that they stood hand in hand, Riza was suddenly struck by the realization that she never wanted to let go. The idea hit her like a ton of bricks. Her heartbeat quickened and she felt the butterflies in her stomach intensify. She dismissed the thought as quickly as it had appeared, her heart in her throat.

He was her commanding officer. She had to let go.

Despite her rationalizations, Riza would have continued to hold Mustang's hand if it wasn't for the doctors. "Colonel Mustang! First Lieutenant Hawkeye!" they shouted, running across the courtyard toward the pair. Mustang's grip slackened at the sound of his name. Riza reluctantly pulled her hand away from his, silently wishing she could hold on for just a little longer.

The next few hours sped past in a blur of the white doctors coats and bandages. The doctors escorted Riza and the Colonel to the hospital in Central Command with little conversation passing between any of them. When they arrived, Riza was reluctant to be separated from Mustang. It was hard enough for her to leave him long enough to let the doctors treat her injuries. The thought of being away from him now was out of the question for Riza. They had been through too much together "Please," she had begged their shared doctor, "at least put me in the same room as him."

The doctor had obliged, even if he was hesitant at first. Before the nurses put another bed in the Colonel's room, Riza had explained the situation and her request to him. "Would you mind, Colonel?" she had asked tentatively, uncomfortably aware of how her request sounded.

A small smile had crept into Mustang's face. "I would like nothing more." he had said simply. They discussed the matter no more. The nurses set up the new bed within the hour.

So there Riza had stayed. During the day she would spend her time talking to the Colonel. Most of their conversations were short, as most of what they had to say didn't need to be spoken. The rest of the time, Riza would help him study Ishvalan culture. Some days the old team would come by and help her out.

Sometimes, Rebecca would visit. The doctor would usually let Riza go outside with her. That was always nice. It was a change of scenery, even if the new scene involved her friend constantly griping about being single. Of course, Riza didn't mind. She was used to Rebecca's ramblings.

At night, she would have trouble sleeping and simply listen to her surroundings. A lot of the time, Riza could tell that Mustang was awake in the bed next to her. He had been through so much. She wanted to go to him, to comfort him. Help him in any way she could. She wanted to hold his hand again.

Above all else, Riza desperately wanted him to regain his sight, though she knew that had to be impossible.

So, naturally, when Dr. Marcoh offered to make this a reality, Riza's heart leapt with joy. She wanted to see him happy, to see his eyes brighten with laughter like they used to. She wanted him to see the path he was so determined to follow.

She wanted him to see how loved he was.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thank you to everyone that favorited/followed/reviewed! Please continue to do so, I really appreciate it! Once again, I'd like to thank my awesome beta, bookluver100. I also do not own Fullmetal Alchemist or any of its characters. **

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Roy Mustang heard the door open. The footsteps of the new visitor echoed around the room. He sat up a little straighter in his hospital bed at the sound. Roy turned his head toward the dip in his bed that he knew was Lieutenant Hawkeye. He heard her set down the paper she had been quizzing him with when the door opened. "Dr. Marcoh," she said, "It's a pleasure."

"It's good to see you, Lieutenant. You're looking well. I would say the same for you, Colonel," Marcoh said, hesitating. "Although I think you'd prefer to see for yourself."

Roy widened his unseeing eyes. "So you have it? The Philosopher's Stone?"

"Sure do. Also, Dr. Knox wanted me to give you his regards. His wife wanted to go to dinner with him. Didn't want to turn her down, I suppose." Marcoh said with a chuckle. "However he did want to see you once you got your sight back."

Roy nodded, making a mental note to visit the doctor later in the week. He then asked the question that had been bugging him since Marcoh last visited. "Have you healed Jean Havoc?"

"Hah!" Marcoh exclaimed. "Now there's a man that was happy to get back on his feet. I'd never seen someone so eager to stand up in all my years. Not that he lacked a reason, of course."

Roy smirked. He had no doubt that Havoc had gone out and found himself a date that night. Or at least tried to. Hopefully if he was walking again he had more luck than usual.

"Are you ready?" Marcoh asked suddenly. Roy startled at the words, stiffening.

"Already?"

"Well I don't see why we should wait any longer. You've waited this long, haven't you? No point in wasting any time."

Roy paused for a few seconds before making up his mind. "Yes, I suppose you're right. I'm ready whenever you are."

From the other end of the bed, Roy felt Hawkeye stand up. He wrinkled his brow, turning his head towards her. "Lieutenant?" he asked in a tone that sounded more worrisome than he had intended. He heard silence for a few seconds, as if she had stopped moving. Roy made the assumption that she was looking at him. Hardening his voice, he tried again. "Where are you going, Lieutenant?"

She was silent for a few seconds before answering. "I was going to give you some space, sir."

Roy shook his head. No, he wanted her to stay with him. She had been with him through the rest of this ordeal and he wasn't going to let her stop now if he could help it. He paused for a moment, trying to find the right way to ask her. Should he ask her as her friend? Her superior officer? Roy didn't know what to say. He didn't want it to come off as a suggestion, but he also didn't want it to sound like a command.

Mustang sighed internally. _Screw it,_ he thought, and decided to take a more formal approach without any further thought.

"I'd prefer if you were by my side." he said quietly but firmly.

Hawkeye was silent for several painful seconds. "Yes, sir." she finally replied. He thought he could almost hear the smirk on her face. The thought made Roy smirk, a strange feeling spreading in his lower stomach as the Lieutenant sat on the edge of the bed just a couple of inches away from his thigh.

"Are you ready, Colonel?" Marcoh asked, sounding closer than he had sounded before.

Roy nodded. "Ready as I'll ever be."

Roy heard the scribbling of a transmutation circle, and then the ringing noise that followed. Then suddenly, the pitch black he saw turned into bright red light. Roy fought the urge to yell, out of surprise more than anything else. The corner of his right eye started to burn, the feeling soon spreading to his entire eye, then to the next. Roy squeezed his eyes shut and grunted. Then, the pain was gone as soon as it started. The red light proceeded to dim until it was no more.

Roy opened his eyes, his vision still black. Had Marcoh's stone failed? Could a Philosopher's Stone even _be_ defective? "Lieutenant." he mumbled, turning his head as if looking for her.

"I'm right here, sir," she replied. He felt her hand take his own. Roy turned his head toward her. "Did it work?" she asked, concern weaved throughout her voice.

Roy was about to give the rather dejected answer, but stopped himself when the black he had gotten accustomed to lightened. Roy could make out the distinct shape of a person in front of him. The shape gradually focused to where Roy could tell that it was definitely Lieutenant Hawkeye. He tightened his grip on her hand.

When her face came into better focus, Roy blinked several times, looking down. He looked up once his eyes had adjusted better. His gaze met the Lieutenant as soon as he did so.

Tears welled up in her eyes and a smile spread across her face. Roy managed to hold back his own tears of happiness as he looked at her - had she always been so beautiful?

He let out a small laugh of relief, which she then reciprocated, her face breaking out into one of the happiest expressions he had ever seen her wear. She wiped her eye with her free hand, never breaking eye contact. Roy felt a satisfying warmth spread through his chest.

Before he knew what he had done, Roy had his arms around the Lieutenant's waist in a somewhat awkward embrace. To his surprise, she shifted to a more comfortable angle and wrapped her arms around his neck within a few seconds.

In Roy's mind, every little detail about the moment was perfect: the feeling of her body against his, the smell of her long, golden hair, the way she cradled the side of his head with her hand, the way she leaned into the crook of his neck, and the way their breathing seemed to be in sync. Roy could have held her like that for eternity.

But they didn't have eternity. They were forced to live in the moment, and at the moment, Dr. Marcoh was still in the room. To his disappointment, Roy realized he would have to let go. That was also the moment realized he didn't want to let go.

However, he forced himself to slacken his grip on her waist until he was barely holding her at all. Hawkeye looked up at Roy before she too broke the hug. She sat up next to him, a smile lingering on her face. Roy's heart warmed and he felt his stomach twist in the same way it had before when she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. He returned the smile before turning back to face Marcoh.

"Thank you, Doctor." Roy said gratefully. "Is there anything else you want me to do for you?"

Marcoh shook his head. "Just keep following the path you're already on and fix things in Ishval. There's nothing more that I could possibly ask for."

Roy frowned. "Are you sure?" he asked, seeking confirmation. He felt as if he owed the doctor more than he was giving him.

"I'm sure," Marcoh confirmed.

Roy nodded. "Very well, then. Thank you for your time. You're welcome to change your mind if you need anything."

Marcoh smiled and stood, crossing the room with his arm outstretched. Roy lifted his arm and met Marcoh's in a firm handshake. "I'll leave you be now. I'm glad I could help." As soon as he finished speaking, the doctor let go of Roy's hand and left the room without another word. The door thudded behind him.

Roy looked at the door silently after Marcoh left, truly taking in the room around him. The room was nothing to marvel at; it was small with half white, half paneled walls. However, it was no less a welcoming sight for Roy. Seeing anything was better than seeing nothing. Roy shifted his gaze to the woman who sat beside him.

She was looking at him with a faint smile on her face and a longing look in her eyes. "So," she whispered, "you can see."

Roy smiled, the strange feeling returning to his stomach. "Yeah." he replied lamely, his voice also lowered to a whisper. He had this feeling of euphoria coursing through his veins from his newly regained sight. Finally, he could get back on track with his goal. He could restore Ishval. He could help restore Amestris. He could start climbing his way up to Fuhrer again. For the first time in a long, long time, everything was going his way.

That is, until he noticed the bandage around her neck.

As soon as he saw it, all his newfound confidence came crashing down around him. It was like someone flipped a switch in his mind, memories suddenly flashing before him in a horrifying and unwanted emotional reexperience. Roy's eyes widened in horror and he felt his heart pounding in his chest.

"Colonel?" Hawkeye asked, her demeanor instantly changing into one of concern. Roy avoided her gaze, breathing heavily. The bandage around her neck. Her slit throat. Mei barely healing her in time. She had almost died because of him. How could he let that happen?

The sword across her neck.

Roy felt like the room had suddenly increased in temperature.

The blood pouring from her as she lay motionless in a crumpled heap.

Guilt bubbled up inside him as he tried to block the images from his mind.

His utter helplessness and inability to save her.

Waves of guilt washed over him as he slumped backward onto the stack of pillows that lay on the bed.

"Colonel!" Hawkeye exclaimed, leaning over to better see him. "Colonel, what's wrong? What happened?"

Roy breathed in deeply and shook his head. He swallowed, trying to gather himself again. Part of him wanted to hold the Lieutenant in his arms again, to grasp her hand in his and tell her everything. Tell her that he was sorry and that he would never let anything bad happen to her again. But the other part of him screamed louder. It screamed that he had failed to keep her safe; that it _had_ happened and it was all because of him.

"Whatever it is, it'll be alright." Hawkeye said softly, resting her hand atop Roy's open palm. Roy closed his eyes, intertwining their fingers. Even though he had put her through so much, she still remained loyal to him. Roy didn't know why that was. She had gone through hell at his expense.

Whatever her reasons, Roy was glad she had them. He needed someone like her in his life.

_No,_ he corrected himself_. I don't need someone like her._

He just needed her.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Since I'm posting a couple days late, I'll go ahead and post two chapters. This one is pretty short, though. Thank you so much to everyone who followed, favorited, and review, and thanks to my fantastic beta, bookluver100. I don't own anything. **

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A week had passed since the Colonel had regained his sight, and Riza could tell that he was itching to get out of the hospital. Even though the doctors knew Marcoh had healed him, they insisted that he needed to stay the week just to make sure everything was as it should be. Tomorrow afternoon, he would be out for good.

Riza, however, was stuck for a little longer. The doctors said she needed to let her wounds heal completely before they let her go. That could take up to a month, depending on how her neck was doing.

Riza absently touched the bandage, glancing at Mustang as she did so. He was asleep, lying on his back with an open book resting on top of his stomach. The room was bathed in moonlight, giving the room an ethereal glow and shining brightly enough so that Riza could clearly see everything in it.

Although she didn't know what time it was, Riza knew it was late, judging from the silence in the hallway. The sun had been down for several hours, but Riza couldn't fall asleep, not for lack of trying.

It was good that Mustang was getting some rest, though. She hadn't realized he had been sleeping, and wondered how long he had been that way. However, she noticed, as he had been for the last few days, that he was sleeping restlessly. His brow was wrinkled like he was upset. A subconscious part of Riza wanted to smooth out the crease.

For the past few days, she had kept rewinding the moment that the Colonel got his sight back over and over again in her head. The way he suddenly hugged her with no explanation had surprised her, but she had been so happy with his arms around her.

Riza looked back down at her book she was holding. The spine of the book rested on her crossed legs, now forgotten. She could make out the words, but had lost whatever interest in the book she had to her thoughts a while ago. She wanted to read it, but her mind was too scattered for her to concentrate at the moment.

Riza closed it and put it under her pillow.

Her gaze shifted back to the sleeping Colonel as he rolled over onto his side in a sudden movement. The book slid off of his stomach and landed with a loud thud on the floor. Mustang inhaled sharply, his frown lines deepening before he rolled over again. Riza herself frowned, concerned. While she had seen him sleeping fitfully in the past, he had never tossed and turned like this.

Riza hesitated before she stood up, slightly unsure of what she was planning to accomplish. Regardless, she rose from the bed in a chorus of squeaking springs.

She glanced down at the book. She could pick it up, she thought. Riza made out to do so. However, as soon as her fingers came in contact with the cover, Mustang flipped over again. This time, facing her. Riza momentarily froze. She checked to make sure he was still sleeping before making another move. As far as she could tell, he was. She picked up the book and put it on top of the stack near the foot of his bed. Before going back to her own bed, Riza paused to look at the Colonel.

His forehead was glistening with sweat and his eyes were moving rapidly beneath his eyelids. The way he was lying made him look very tense; his face scrunched up in what looked like a cross between worry and fear. It was rather disconcerting to see him like that, Riza realized, and impulsively wanted to comfort him. However, she couldn't bring herself to. She felt like it wasn't her place. She didn't want to risk overstepping her delicately set boundaries.

She had already stepped dangerously close to the edge of the line. It had been a risk to ask him if they could be in the same room.

Riza felt a surge of self-doubt as she slowly returned to her bed. Insecurity raged throughout her. She thought of how Mustang had turned away from her after Marcoh left. Had she done something? Had he grown tired of her over the past few weeks? The more she thought about it, the more worried she became.

Was she overthinking things? Riza didn't know. With every move she made, she felt less and less sure about herself.

There was always the possibility she _was_ overthinking the matter. What if she wasn't, though? The idea of making herself look like a fool made Riza feel sick. She only wanted to help him.

Was that overstepping her boundaries? Was it so unreasonable to want to help someone she cared about? To want him to be happy? To want to see him safe?

She had already promised herself after Ishval she would keep him safe. Now she wanted to keep him happy.

Riza promised herself that – without overstepping her boundaries, of course – she would do everything she could to make that a reality.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Thanks to my beta, bookluver100 for putting up with me and my crap. The usual disclaimer applies. Please review! :)**

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Roy had only been discharged from the hospital for three days before he started to miss it. More specifically, he missed the company he had in it. He found himself quite lonely without the Lieutenant to talk to. The only thing that stopped him from going to visit her was the pangs of guilt in the pit of his stomach whenever he saw her.

For him, it was a tough situation to be in. At the same time he wanted to be around her, but he could hardly look at her without feeling like he had let her down.

At night he dreamt about her dying; of her bleeding out before she could be healed. The dreams - nightmares, rather - were more vivid than Roy appreciated. Every night it was the same dream. Her lifeless body would lie in a pool of her own blood and her empty eyes would stare blankly ahead. He would run to her even though he knew she was gone. He would scoop her into his arms and hold her to his chest, his fingers trying to feel for a pulse that wasn't there. He would cradle her head in his hands and touch his forehead to hers, sobbing and begging her to come back.

In the hospital, when he woke up, sweating and shaken, Roy would look over to where she slept in the bed next to him and remember that she was still alive. Now that he was no longer there with her, he no longer had any confirmation that that was the case.

Of course, he knew she was safe. It was the thought that her life could have so easily been snuffed out that scared him so badly. Ever since Hughes died, Roy had been afraid he would lose someone else. When it came to the idea of losing the Lieutenant, that fear was amplified considerably. He couldn't lose her. He didn't know what he would do if he did.

He felt like he needed to be with her all the time to make sure she was okay. He had to _know_ that she was safe. Roy's insides twisted, this time with a different emotion. A part of him deep down knew his need to protect her didn't come from friendship alone. That just made the entire situation worse.

He wanted to be around her. He missed talking to her and sharing a room with her. He needed to talk to her, even if it meant feeling guilty while doing so.

So, there he was. Standing in front of the door that led to their once shared room, his clenched hand hovering an inch away from the solid wood. He took a deep breath, then knocked. The sound his knuckles made against the wood sounded a lot louder than he had intended. Roy flinched inwardly.

"Come in," he heard Hawkeye say from inside. Roy took a deep breath to compose himself before he complied. He plastered a faint smile on his face as he entered the room.

She was sitting on her bed - now the only bed - with a book on her lap. When she saw him she perked up, closing the book and putting it aside. "Colonel," she said with a small smile, "This is a surprise."

Roy stopped walking. "It's good to see you, Lieutenant," he managed, forcing the smile to stay on his face as the all-too-familiar and incriminating feeling rose in his throat. "You look better every time I see you."

Hawkeye tilted her head to the side. The corners of her eyes crinkled. "I could say the same to you," she replied.

Roy lowered his eyes. He didn't _feel_ any better since she last saw him. In fact, he felt worse. He looked better physically, maybe, but emotionally Roy felt drained and empty. At the moment, the sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach was all he could feel.

"So," Hawkeye continued, "what brings you here today?"

Roy looked back up. "Oh, just visiting. I thought you could use some company with me being gone." he answered as evenly as he could. He avoided her gaze, stuffing his hands into his pockets.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw her shoulders drop. She instantly looked much more relaxed. "That's very thoughtful of you, sir." she said, her voice slightly lower in volume than it had been before.

"I would have come earlier if I . . ." Roy's voice trailed off. If he what? If he wasn't too nervous? If he wasn't having nightmares about her dying? That was a terrible excuse. If anything, that should make him want to see her even more. Roy felt even more guilty when he realized he didn't have a good reason.

"You're here now." she responded softly, as if she could sense his guilt. Knowing her, he wouldn't be surprised if she could. A sudden jolt of shame hit him. He needed to keep it together around her. If he kept going on like this he would just make a fool out of himself. His need to actually have a conversation with her was starting to overpower the guilt he felt. Roy swallowed, trying to block it out.

After several long seconds of silence, Roy slowly started to walk towards her bed. "So when are they saying you can go home? he asked. "May I?" He added, gesturing to the empty space beside her.

She scooted over a little to make room for him. "Of course. The doctor said about three weeks last time I asked. That could change, though. He said I'm healing faster than he had expected. I could still be in for longer."

"Well keep me updated." Roy insisted. "When they let you go, I can bring you home if you need me to."

The Lieutenant nodded. "Yes, sir."

Roy didn't know which of his statements she was responding to. He was silent as he tried to figure out what she meant.

Before he did, she changed the subject. "Have you heard from the Elrics lately?"

Roy blinked at the unexpected question, then racked his brains for the answer. "Yeah, I got a letter from them a few days ago. They're both settling down in Resembool for now." Roy paused, trying to remember what else the letter had said. "They also invited me to dinner at the Rockbells' next month. From what I gather, it's a pretty big occasion. They said I was welcome to bring a guest."

Roy looked at the Lieutenant, hoping she would pick up on the implication. Her expression, however, remained unchanged. His heartbeat quickened.

"Are you planning on going, sir?" she asked.

_Damn,_ he thought. He had hoped she would have taken the hint. Maybe he hadn't been clear enough.

"Will you go with me?" he blurted with much less composure than he would have liked.

Hawkeye's eyes widened the smallest bit. The corners of her mouth twitched. "Given that I'm out of the hospital," she said softly. "I would love to go with you."

Roy's heart skipped a beat, and it soared when she smiled. He felt the sudden urge to wrap his arms around her. Then, before he really knew what he was doing, he had done exactly that.

The first thing that occurred to Roy as he buried his face into her hair, was that she hadn't hesitated to return the embrace like she had with the first. Her arms had been around his waist just as soon as his had been around her shoulders.

The second thing that occurred to him was how tightly she was holding on. Her cheek was against his neck and he could feel every breath she took.

The third and final thing Roy noticed wasn't something the Lieutenant had done. He supposed the feeling had always been there, deep down, but he had never realized how strong it could be until that moment. Even though he had never felt anything quite like it before, he knew exactly what the feeling was.

Love.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: I meant to post this a couple days ago, but it just wouldn't turn into words. I had a streak of inspiration last night, so here we are! I hope you guys enjoy this chapter. Thank you to all who favorited, followed, reviewed, etc., and thanks to my amazing beta, bookluver100. I own nothing. Please review! It feeds my muse. **

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"Well, Miss Hawkeye," announced Riza's doctor as he scribbled something on his clipboard. "It looks like you're free to go." He made one last mark on the paper before looking up, smiling.

"Thank you, Doctor." Riza said in reply, nodding politely. She stood at the foot of her hospital bed, finally wearing her own clothes after weeks of bandages and hospital gowns. The bed was made and the books she had read during her stay were gone. The room looked much emptier without them. However, that was nothing new. Riza had thought the room looked painfully empty ever since the Colonel had left, and even more empty when they took away his bed.

"Your ride is waiting for you by the desk," the doctor said, sticking the clipboard under his arm. "Take care." he added as he held the door open for her.

Riza walked out of the room with an air of confidence. After weeks of hospitalization, she was ready to get out and go home. Black Hayate sure would be happy to see her, she thought with a smirk.

Rebecca had been taking care of Riza's dog during her stay at the hospital, and seemed to have grown very attached to him. Over the past weeks, she had heard several Hayate stories from her friend. It would be good to have him back.

Riza's mindset changed as soon as she turned the corner of the hallway that led to the waiting room. She glanced at the woman behind the desk briefly before her gaze shifted to the man standing in front of it. Riza stopped walking.

His forearms rested atop the counter, his posture slightly slumped as he turned to face her. "Lieutenant," Mustang greeted her, his tone formal, although she could see the smile fighting its way onto his face.

"Colonel," she replied, feeling the edges of her lips curl upwards. Riza felt a certain warmth spread in her chest. Shortly following were the not-so-subtle butterflies in her stomach.

"I'm ready whenever you are," the Colonel said, standing up straight and putting his hands in his pockets.

Riza nodded and wordlessly took a few steps towards him. He, too, started to walk. As they neared each other, Mustang took his right hand out of his pocket. When they met in the middle he loosely draped his arm around her shoulders. He then guided her to the exit. Riza smiled as she matched his pace, shifting her coat to her right arm. She put her left arm around the Colonel's waist.

Although their pace never faltered as they walked out of the hospital and down the front steps, Riza felt the Colonel's arm draw her in the smallest bit closer.

They walked down the street without saying another word. However, the silence was neither awkward nor lacking; Riza was actually very comfortable with his arm around her. She resisted leaning her head against his shoulder.

Mustang slowed to a stop when they reached his car, and Riza did the same. "There you go," he muttered, opening the door to the passenger seat for her. Riza smirked before getting in. Usually she was the one driving him around. Come to think of it, she hadn't ever seen the Colonel drive before. Riza buckled her seatbelt.

The door next her closed and she saw Mustang cross in front of the car before he opened the other door and slid into the driver's seat. "Alright," he mumbled, fastening his own seatbelt. "Shall we?"

"Yes, sir." Riza nodded.

"I hate to say it, Lieutenant, but I have no idea where I'm going." Mustang admitted as he started the car.

"My apartment isn't far. Just go straight for now and I'll tell you when to turn." said Riza.

Mustang pulled out onto the road. "It feels nice to finally be out, doesn't it?" he asked, his eyes never leaving the road.

"It does. I'm sure you know the feeling." Riza replied. "Turn left up here."

He complied, nodding as he did so. "It's certainly better than sitting in a hospital room all day."

Riza looked at him. "It wasn't all bad," she said. "Although I was certainly lonelier once my roommate left."

Mustang smiled genuinely. His grip on the wheel loosened a little bit as he relaxed his shoulders. He glanced at her for half a second before he looked back at the road.

"Turn right." Riza instructed.

"So, did the doctor say anything else? Any long term results or anything like that?" Mustang asked as he turned.

"Just a scar. It's not too noticeable but it's definitely there." Riza answered. She tried not to notice the Colonel's reaction, being vaguely aware of how he felt about it. Every time he had looked upset when he was talking to her was after looking at her neck. "Take a right up here."

She looked out of the window as he turned. "It's the second to last building on the right at the end of the street."

"You weren't kidding when you said it wasn't far." Mustang said lightly. Riza nodded, even though she knew he was probably looking at the road.

He pulled up in front of the small apartment building a few moments later and put the car into park. "Cute apartment," he remarked lightly. Riza cracked a smile, shooting an amused glance at him as she opened the door. Before she closed it, she turned around to thank the Colonel, only to find that he too was getting out of the car. "There's no need for you to get out, sir. I can walk myself to the front door." Riza said as she closed the door to the car.

"Nonsense. I'm already out of the car, anyway." Mustang said, jogging to stand beside her. He tilted his head and held his arm out. "Shall we?"

Riza but her lip to suppress a small giggle as she took his arm. Together, they walked the ten feet and climbed the four steps it took for them to reach Riza's front door. When they slowed to a stop, Riza didn't let go of the Colonel's arm. "Thank you, sir," she said softly, her voice almost a whisper. She slowly looked up at him, only to find that he was already looking at her.

As their eyes met, Riza saw a strange look in the Colonel's eyes. She couldn't quite place it, but it made her legs feel like jelly.

"Anytime," he whispered, his eyes seeming to look so much deeper into her than they actually could. Inside her stomach, the butterflies started to beat their wings.

Riza breathed in deeply through her nose before breaking his gaze. As she did so, she also let go of his arm. She intently stared at her door as she fumbled for her keys, feeling like her cheeks were on fire.

Her hands shook as she went to unlock the door. "Have a good night, Colonel," Riza said as she turned the key. She twisted the doorknob.

"Call me Roy."

The response made Riza freeze in place.

_What? _

The door stopped moving, left slightly ajar as Riza stood in confusion. Why on earth would he want her to call him by his first name? She wheeled around.

"Wh-"

Before Riza could get a single word out, she felt a soft pair of lips press against hers. Riza's immediate reaction was to shove Mustang – Roy – away from her. However, she couldn't bring herself to do so when his arms snaked around her waist. The butterflies in her stomach exploded into a flurry of an emotion Riza was not ready to deal with. She melted into his embrace, her knees feeling weak. She wrapped her arms around him and pushed herself onto her toes to deepen the kiss.

Roy's fingers traced up her back and onto the base of her neck. He laced his fingers through her hair, his other arm wrapped tightly around her waist. Riza kissed him back, grasping at the back of his jacket.

She didn't break the kiss until she was gasping for air. Even then she didn't want to stop. She leaned her forehead against his and looked him in the eyes.

It was then that she realized what the look in Roy's eyes was. She knew because, at that very moment, she was feeling the exact same thing.

"I-" Riza gasped. "I have to go. Thank you again for the ride, Colonel – I mean – Roy. Good night."

She pulled herself out of his grip, still breathing heavily. She wanted nothing more than to turn around and kiss Roy again. The door creaked as Riza pushed it open. She stepped inside and turned to close the door. She hesitated when she saw Roy looking at her.

"Good night," he said, his voice barely above a whisper.

Riza nodded, glancing at his lips. "Good night," she replied before she closed the door.

She leaned against it the second it was fully closed. Her breathing became lighter after a few seconds. Riza tried to process what had just happened.

Roy Mustang had just kissed her.

Riza let out a laugh in disbelief and triumph. Roy Mustang. The man her father had taught. The hero of Ishval. The man who she had sworn to protect. The man who had protected her.

Everything suddenly became clear in Riza's mind. The butterflies, the jelly legs, the look in Roy's eyes that she understood and felt so strongly. Riza smiled to herself as she turned around to lock the door.

_Damn it, Riza,_ she thought to herself. _You just had to go and fall in love._


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Hey, guys! Sorry I haven't updated sooner, I was on vacation. Here it is, though! I'd like to thank everyone who followed, favorited, and reviewed! Of course, all my thanks goes to my beta, bookluver100, as well. The usual disclaimer applies. Reviews are always appreciated! :)**

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It only took one day for whatever confidence Roy had in himself to disappear completely.

The second he got home the previous day, Roy had crashed into bed, feeling a mix of joy and regret. He slept late the next morning. Save for a few obligatory kitchen runs and bathroom trips, he hadn't gotten up since.

He didn't know what he had expected when he had kissed the Lieutenant. In all honesty, he hadn't even planned to kiss her. It had just sort of happened. The moment had just felt right to him and -

Roy sighed. Who was he kidding? It was a thoughtless move, and now that he had had more time to think about it, he regretted it.

Well, it wasn't so much that he regretted the kiss itself; Roy wasn't going to pretend that he hadn't enjoyed kissing her. It was the way he executed the kiss that had been bothering him. He hadn't given her any warning and had acted on impulse alone. He hadn't even considered the fact that she may not have been interested. Maybe that was why she pulled away so abruptly.

Roy groaned, rolling onto his stomach and burying his face into his pillow.

_What was I thinking?_

He felt like he had to do something, although he wasn't entirely sure what. Roy propped himself up on his elbows. Maybe he could bring her flowers. No, that was too much. He didn't want to push anything onto her. Was that pushing something onto her?

Roy sat up. He swung his legs over the edge of the bed. Well, he could at least start by apologizing to her. Even if she wasn't upset, at least his mind would be at peace. Roy contemplated this momentarily. If she wasn't upset, that would mean -

His heart skipped a beat.

Roy shook his head and stood up. He pushed open his closet doors and began to dig around for an acceptable outfit. What if she was upset? Would she even want to talk to him if he did show up at her house?

The more time Roy spent thinking about it, the more nervous he felt. He was blowing things out of proportion. Overthinking the matter only made him more hesitant.

Roy eventually decided on a white button down shirt with a coat and plain black pants. Not formal, but not too casual. He combed his hair before he left and hoped he didn't look as shitty as he felt.

The twenty minute drive from Roy's apartment to the Lieutenant's apartment was torture for Roy. Sitting still for that long made him antsy, especially with the impending visit he had to make looming above him. Roy took several deep breaths during the ride, but none of them managed to bring his heart rate down. It continued to beat quickly and loudly in his chest.

By the time he had pulled up to her apartment, Roy felt like he was about to jump out of his skin. He took one final deep breath before he got out of the car.

Getting to the door was easy enough. Knocking was not as easy. Roy hesitated. He balled his hands into fists, thinking back to when he went to visit her in the hospital. He just had to knock. A quick knock was all it took. Just a few raps of his knuckles and she would come to the door.

It wasn't too late to turn back. Roy could easily go back into his car and go home without Hawkeye ever knowing he was there. He could apologize to her another day.

But what if he told himself that every day? Roy knew he had to just get it over with.

He didn't give himself any more time to think about it, and quickly brought his hand up to the door. He knocked three times before shoving both hands in his pockets.

_Shit,_ he thought, panic surging through him._ There's no going back now._

Roy stared intently at the doorknob as he heard a dog bark twice. He should've walked away while he could. Now it was too late. Any second now she could open the door.

Roy started to panic even more when he heard footsteps growing louder and louder with each step until finally, they came to a stop. The lock jiggled and Roy's heart stopped.

When the door started to open, Roy was frozen in place, barely breathing. He breathed in deeply through his nose as she came into view, although he didn't feel even the slightest bit more collected afterwards.

Hawkeye stood in the doorway with one hand on the doorknob and one hand on her hip. She had a slightly confused expression on her face, but otherwise looked happy to see him. Black Hayate sat a few feet behind her with his tongue out and his tail wagging. "Colonel," she greeted, "–Roy. Sorry," she corrected herself, hesitating. "What are you doing here?"

Roy decided to cut to the chase. His heart was thumping in his chest. "I came to apologize. For yesterday."

The Lieutenant frowned. "For bringing me home from the hospital?"

"No, not that." Roy waved dismissively. "For what I did after that."

Roy looked for a reaction from her, but he didn't see one. His brow furrowed in nervous anticipation as he awaited a response. However, she continued to look unfazed by his words.

After several long moments, the Lieutenant's shoulders dropped. Her arms fell to her side and she stepped back. "I just finished making a pot of tea. Would you like to come in?" She pointed her arm inside in an inviting way.

Roy was taken aback. _What?_ "Uh, sure," he stammered. Hawkeye opened the door wider as he awkwardly shuffled inside.

"It's just green tea. Is that ok?" she asked as she closed the door.

Roy continued down the short hallway through the archway that he assumed led to the kitchen. "Anything's fine."

She entered through the archway a few seconds after he did. Roy stood off to the side with his back to a bare wall. He felt awkward. Clearly she wasn't angry at him, but she hadn't ever given him any real closure on the matter.

He watched as she poured two cups of tea. Once poured, she set the cups on the kitchen table and sat down in the chair in front of one of the cups. She gestured for him to sit in the other chair.

As he did, he noticed her looking at him strangely. Roy furrowed his brow again. "What is it?"

She took a sip of tea before answering. "You know, you don't have to apologize for kissing me."

Roy almost choked on his tea. He didn't say anything, and instead stared at her in shock. What was that supposed to mean?

"It's true that you caught me off guard. That's why I pulled away so fast. If anything, I should be the one apologizing to you for leaving."

Roy gaped at her, setting his teacup down. "There's no need for you to apologize," he protested. "I don't blame you for pulling away, Lieutenant. I was in the wrong."

"That's another thing," she said, meeting his eyes. "If you want me to call you Roy, I only think it's right if you start calling me Riza."

Roy let her words sink in. He was silent for a few seconds. "Okay," he said finally. A small smile crept onto his face. "Riza."

Riza smiled and rose from her seat, picking up her tea as she did so. Unsure of what else to do, Roy stood. Riza placed the cup on the counter before she turned around and walked back toward the table. She stopped about a foot in front of Roy. They stood in silence for a few seconds, gazes locked. Riza then stepped even closer to him, her eyes softening. Roy felt the tension in the room spike as she reached for the back of his head.

It was definitely Riza who initiated the kiss that time, although Roy didn't hesitate to kiss back. He wrapped his arms around her waist as her arms went around his neck.

Although the kiss didn't last longer than ten or fifteen seconds, it felt like forever to Roy. While the first kiss had been great, it didn't compare to the second in the slightest. The feeling he felt was overwhelming and the only thing he could do was hold her close as he kissed her and wonder why he hadn't kissed her ages ago.

When they stopped kissing, neither of them pulled away. Their foreheads were together and their lips were barely touching. They just stood there for a few seconds, both of them smiling softly. Riza pressed a single kiss onto Roy's lips before she sunk back down to her regular height. Her arms slipped down around him, never breaking the embrace, and she leaned her head onto his chest. The top of her head was less than an inch away from his mouth, so Roy planted a kiss into her hair. Riza hummed happily.

Roy smiled, leaning his cheek on top of her head. "So," he mumbled. "Are you still interested in going Resembool with me?"

Riza didn't move. "Of course," she replied, her voice slightly muffled. "When do we leave?"

Roy closed his eyes. "A little more than a week. Nine days, if I'm not mistaken."

Riza hummed again. "We'll have to spend some time together before that."

Roy nodded. "Definitely."

He was glad she suggested it so he didn't have to. If she wanted, they could spend time together every day before they left for Resembool, and every day after, too.

That was the moment Roy realized he was in much deeper than he had originally thought, and strangely, he didn't really care.

He was just happy to finally have her in his arms.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Thanks to all who followed/favorited/reviewed, and thanks again to bookluver100! The usual disclaimer applies. **

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The train sped through the countryside, roaring along the tracks as it traveled through miles of empty land. The sun cast shadows of clouds onto the rolling plains below. In the distance, a river wound through the grass. Birds flew in flocks against the afternoon sun. Even though the train zoomed by quickly, the view stayed just as beautiful as it had been for the past few miles.

That morning, when Riza had arrived at the train station, Roy smiled when he saw her. Of course, Riza smiled back, although neither she nor the Colonel made any move to embrace the other. Instead they stood with beside each other as they waited to board the two o'clock train to Resembool, hands clasped and hidden behind their long coats.

When the doors to the train opened, they boarded it together, their footsteps in perfect sync.

Of course, their seats were in the highest class seating area with doors for privacy. As soon as their bags were secured, Roy closed the door and kissed Riza full on the mouth. "I've been wanting to do that since I saw you," he had whispered. Riza smiled and kissed him again.

They had talked for a while after that as the train started moving, mostly about unimportant things, before they drifted off into silence.

Riza's gaze was fixated on the sight beyond the window. Not a word had been said since the train crossed into the open country.

However, the two of them had gradually shifted closer together over the past twenty minutes or so. They had started the train ride a respectful distance away from each other, but Riza couldn't help but subconsciously notice that now, their thighs were almost touching. A small smile crept onto her face.

For the first time in a long time, Riza felt truly comfortable. Comfortable with her situation, with her life. She thought of the man sitting so close to her, of how comfortable she felt around him, and couldn't help but imagine what her life would be like now that they were . . . whatever they were.

With her gaze still fixed on the landscape, Riza swallowed. "Can I ask you a question?" she asked, biting back the instinctive _sir_ that usually followed.

Beside her, she heard the Colonel shift. "Of course. Anything," he replied after a few seconds of silence.

"It's just - we've been through a lot. After all these years, I've finally finished what I had to do," Riza explained. "I don't have anything left."

Her words were not met by a response.

Slowly, Riza lowered her eyes. When she spoke, her voice was soft. "What am I supposed to do now?"

Still Roy said nothing. Riza stared at the seat beside her. While the silence wasn't awkward, it was somewhat empty. She turned her head to look at him.

His expression was sullen, sympathetic. He seemed to scan her with his eyes.

"What do you want to do?" he said finally.

Riza exhaled and broke his gaze. This time, she was the one who remained silent.

"You could stay in the military with me. I haven't given up on being Fuhrer, you know." Roy continued, his tone lightening.

Riza managed to smile softly. She looked down at the floor. "I suppose not," she muttered.

"You should do what makes you happy." Roy told her, gently placing his hand on her shoulder. "You deserve it."

Riza sighed. "I want to _be_ happy," she said, leaning into his touch. His hand slid around her back and to her other shoulder. She scooted closer to him as his hold on her became more secure. Relaxing into him, Riza closed her eyes. "I want to help you become Fuhrer."

Roy nodded, but otherwise didn't respond as he traced his fingers up and down the sides of her arm. Riza breathed in deeply. While she did want to see the Colonel as Fuhrer, that wasn't all she wanted. She wanted to be more than just his Lieutenant. Riza was certain there was something more between the two of them than there had been before they kissed, although that thought didn't stop her from worrying about what the future held for their relationship. She had tasted enough of it to know that it was worth holding on to.

One thought in Riza's mind had been more prominent than others for the past few days. Although she had never been one to immediately put labels on things, she couldn't help but wonder about her current situation. She swallowed hard before she asked her question.

"What are we, Roy?" Her voice was much less certain than she would have liked it to be.

The Colonel responded to her question fairly quickly. "What do you mean?"

Riza's eyes met his. "Us. Our relationship," she hesitated. "What is it?"

Roy's brow wrinkled in confusion. He broke their gaze and looked down at his lap. The slow circles he had been drawing on Riza's arm ceased. "I don't know," he admitted at last. "I think I like it, though."

"So do I," Riza agreed. "It's been a while since I've felt this..." Riza's voice trailed off as she tried to search for the word she was looking for. Good? Safe? Comfortable? Loved? Although she felt all of those things, none of them were what she was looking for. Several long seconds passed before the word she was looking for came to Riza.

"Happy," she finished.

Out of the corner of her eye, Riza saw Roy smile. She couldn't help but do the same as she shifted her gaze back to the window. Soon, the lazy spirals of the circles drawn on her arm resumed. Several minutes passed in silence as their focus once again drifted off to the sight of the lush countryside.

Then, suddenly but slowly, the Colonel took a deep breath. The interruption momentarily distracted Riza from the window.

"We could do this," Roy suggested, his tone determined.

"This?" Riza asked. Once again, she turned to meet his gaze.

"You said you wanted to be happy." he replied. "If this makes you happy, then we could give it a try."

When she responded, Riza spoke slowly. "By 'this', you mean us." Roy gave a slight nod.

"Together," she clarified. This time, neither one of them looked away. Another nod.

"Only if you want to." Roy was quick to add.

_Of course I want to,_ she thought. Riza felt the corners of her mouth twitch upwards into a smile.

"I'd like that," she nodded.

The way his eyes lit up when he smiled warmed the depths of Riza's heart, and at that moment she wanted nothing more than to hold him tight and never let go. Roy seemed to sense this. He shifted so that Riza could hug him in a less awkward manner. She wrapped her arms around his torso, leaning her head on top of his shoulder. Once she was settled, Roy encased her in his warm embrace.

As they sat there together in each other's arms, Riza was once again struck with the realization that she never wanted to let go. This time, she let the thought linger in her mind instead of dismissing it. Although the feeling was similar to that which she had felt after the Promised Day, it was also very different. Something about the new feeling was more concrete, more satisfactory. There was something more between the two of them then there had been the first time the idea of not letting him go crossed her mind.

Now, she realized, she didn't have to.


End file.
